The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize