I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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