PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
