I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
