No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
