you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
