Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
