Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
