normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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