forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
