he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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