She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
