My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
