she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
