In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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