You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Sober January is a disaster.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
