Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
