I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Dignity is for republicans.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
