these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I am one with the molecules
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
