that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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