I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
