hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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