She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
