We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize