Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
this hospital has no fireball
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
