Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
