i would punch a child for taco bell
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
