You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
