Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
