found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
