Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
