the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
