We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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