If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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