you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
