i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
