When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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