we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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