When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
