How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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