Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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