So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Im part way to drunk.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
