At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
