when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
did i walk over a car last night?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
