At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Randomize
