I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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