It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I would fuck him just for his dog
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
