She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
