It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
