do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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