today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
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