How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
