Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
