My hand turned me down
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
