Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize