for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
