We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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