There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
