I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
