You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
