He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
