i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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