im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
