I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
