im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
