i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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