i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
