my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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