My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
