You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
