Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
