Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
