We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
