I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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