also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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