i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just high enough for therapy.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
