First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
