Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize