More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
