Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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