dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
