I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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