the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
my being single is dangerous.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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