i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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