Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
