Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
