woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
