You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Found your dick twin last night
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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