yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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