my room smells like sperm. sweet.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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