Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
