awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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